what the fffffucjk why am i awake what time is it? five eighteen nice, more time to sleep, let’s drink some water first, ok that water was pretty good but i wish it was colder… ice cube time baby, i hope the floor isn’t too creaky, holy shit why am i making so much noise i’m barely a hundred and forty pounds???? ok i’m almost downstairs and i’ve only made a few noises tantamount with the volume of nuclear explosions, i wonder what people did before phone flashlights? did they use real ass flashlights? iphones really killed the flashlight industry if so, that’s sad for all the poor flashlight workers who got laid off, i really need to get more food because all i have in here is a singular mint klondike bar that i’m pretty sure is expired, but all my little ice cubes are nice and cold and that’s what we came here for! three is enough, a little more water for good measure, i don’t have to refill the ice tray because it’s just three that’s a problem for future collin to deal with, ok back to bed, i have to be up in like four hours but i’ve already got three or so under my belt which adds up to a solid seven, that’s more than i get most nights, jesus christ these stairs are so loud, i hope my roommates don’t hear me because i’m pretty sure they all secretly hate me anyways, i never did anything to them but they love jesus and i’m pretty sure that guy was just a rando jew who liked bread a lot, but now i’m back in my comfy bed which is way too big for me, it was nicer when i had a girlfriend who shared it with me, but at the same time she hogged the fuck out of the covers and went to bed at like nine forty five so it’s a win/lose situation, also she hated me, i like sleeping alone but i also love spooning and forehead kisses because forehead kisses are a secret form of power, that’s what i use on girls to hypnotize them into loving me, just kidding nobody loves me, lol at least not for a while, i’m very tired of being single because it feels like nobody cares sometimes, but at the same time i like a really pretty girl who makes me feel special and loved, the clock says five twenty two and i have nothing really keeping me up longer so i think i’ll sleep now.
